It has been quite a while since I spilled my thoughts onto this keyboard.
I’ve been sharing some deep sentiments from the darker side of my existence lately through my captions on Instagram, but I felt the need to go a little deeper, if only for myself.
Someone asked me how I can share so openly about such vulnerable subjects, like mental health, emotional and sexual abuse, and so on. For me, speaking it, writing it, helps to get it out of my body. Up until this year, I had conditioned myself to bury all of my emotions deep down inside of myself. Bottle them up, slap on a smile, and go about my life convincing myself and everyone around me that I was a-okay, all the while a vortex of sadness was swirling inside.
Emotions. Woah. There are so many, and to feel them all is intense and scary and messy and oh my goodness, I’ve never felt so much in my entire life. The good, the bad, the pity, the blame, the guilt, the resentment, the fear, the love, the inspiration, and everything in between. It all exists in all of us all of the time.
Emotions are just energy. Energy likes to move. It is in its nature to move and flow and transform, but we, as a society, have been so conditioned to suppress, repress and hold on to what we are feeling, attaching it to our identity, & holding on to it for dear life. This holding on causes energetic blockages within our systems, our bodies, our minds. It builds up, like a drain, slowly collecting more and more filth until nothing can move through it or you. And we wonder why we feel so stuck. Or why there is so much sickness in our bodies and minds.
L E T G O .
& then let go of letting go.
Let me revisit the personal significance of sharing so openly: As a humanity, we have the tendency to isolate ourselves. We think we are the only ones having this experience, and no one else could possibly understand how hurt we are, so we build walls around ourselves so as not to let anyone else in, for the fear that we will get hurt again, and we isolate ourselves even further to the point of complete and utter withdrawal, solitude, and loneliness.
We all just want to belong.
A sense of purpose. Of being seen. Understood.
I share to remind others that they are not alone. I share to remind others that we are all having the same human experience. I share to give others the opportunity to relate and connect and heal and grow themselves.
Yes, it helps me to heal. To let it out. To get it out of me. But this is about more than me.
We already separate and compare ourselves so often, why hide my pain to seem… what? Like I have it all figured out? I don’t. I am learning and growing myself. Every day. To this very day.